Get Up & Grow

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop? "

New Beginnings Start Whenever I Say!

Ice Cream

It’s amazing how much I have changed since I have gotten here. I wouldn’t say that I’m a different person but I have come to realize that there are some pretty wonderful and some pretty messed up things about me. I now know that though I am not the easiest person to deal with, I also can’t always take the blame when things go sour with other people. I am creative but not without limitations. I am intelligent but there is so much more that I want to learn. I’m a catch but I still need some work before I will be ready for THE ONE.

It’s funny how things are so quickly put into perspective for us…last time I was crying and complaining about not having any friends when someone posted a really sweet status about me and my friendship on Facebook. This time it is about my job. I was warned that as the school year goes on, the older kids get kind of a  I-don’t-care attitude about everything. I figured it’s nothing I can’t handle and I was right. I do get pretty frustrated with their attitudes on top of the fact that we don’t really speak each other’s languages. Yesterday I was really upset about the way the 5th and 6th grade students were acting in class. I had to unleash the Cracken on them to get them to pay attention and behave. In all honesty, they were not that bad. They are just talkative and like to crack jokes. Most of the time it’s not a problem because they know when and where to do all of that. So I went off on them and they were fine for the rest of class. I felt angry after class but I also felt bad because I had snapped at some students who didn’t deserve it. They had come back after class to apologize and I kind of blew them off because I was still angry.

Well….I went  to an open class with my co-teacher yesterday. ( That is when the teachers in the “district” or whatever you want to call it get together and watch another teacher teach a lesson and give feedback. ) I sincerely hate this kind of thing because you always have that one person who has to comment about EVERYTHING and talk at length about how THEY do things at their school. I’m usually the only person who has anything nice to say even when the teacher has done an amazing  job. ( Oh, unless it’s a really handsome  male British teacher….those Korean teachers have plenty of nice things to say then as they are drooling all over themselves.) The last two open classes I went to were pretty positive though so my thinking about the subject has changed slightly…not much. Anyway…we ended up going to the wrong school. When we arrived at the wrong school, there were all of these kids standing out in the hallway in front of the English room. Both doors to the room were open and it was really loud. The boys in the hallway stared for a minute and then started yelling  “Hello! You are beautiful!” at me. The kids inside the classroom were all over the place and it was a complete zoo. They weren’t listening to a word the teachers said. Watching that scene really made me thankful for what I have here. Sure, they talk too much some times but they are NOTHING like those other kids.

No matter what, things could always be much worse. My iPod has been playing non-stop  EVERYTHINGS-GONNA-BE-ALRIGHT music lately. I’m trying to stay in a positive mood and for the most part, it is working. I have my moments but they certainly don’t last long. There is always a lesson learned before the day ends and I never go to bed in the same cranky mood I was in when I woke up. I don’t think I have ever been this in control of my emotions before. Ever since I realized that I really am running the show, things have been so different. I have lost my ability to dwell on things. ( Thank you GOD!) I’m proud to say that at 28 years old, I am growing up. I’m still  alittle hard on people at times but at least now I realize it before it’s too late to say I’m sorry. I have apologized more for my words and behavior since I’ve been here than I have in my entire life. It isn’t because I’m just DEAD WRONG all of a sudden….it’s because I am now able to see my behavior toward others for what it is. I don’t have to be defensive and angry anymore and if I can tone that down, I just might find what I am looking for in this life.

I’m going to end this post with a quote from a song that I have been listening to a lot lately…

” When I wake up….everything I went through will be beautiful” – Jill Scott, When I Wake Up


November 16, 2011 - Posted by | Affirmation

1 Comment »

  1. So I had this extreme urge to cry at how beautiful this post was! This is so awesome. You are such an amazing person and I miss you! I am proud of you for all the growing and realizing you have done with and for yourself. I still want to cry so I am going end this. Love ya hun!

    Comment by slowlybreathingagain | November 16, 2011 | Reply

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