Get Up & Grow

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop? "

Just please, not a black girl….

When I was younger, a lot of my interracial relationships created waves in my small town. One mother told her son that if he dated me, none of the other girls at school would want to date him after that. It’s funny because it actually worked the other way around for him. He became very popular after dating a “black girl”.  In college, another guy I dated told me that his parents told him that he could date and marry anyone he pleased as long as it wasn’t a “black girl”.

I spent a lot of time thinking about the reasons for these things.  What is so wrong with us that people have to warn their sons away? I mean, there were always those ugly stereotypes about us all being fat, lazy, loud, uneducated and confrontational. ( The Angry Black Woman)Then I started thinking about where those stereotypes came from. Everyone is so quick to blame TV but even before that, we have to look deeper. The fact is that there are a lot of women out there feeding these stereotypes!

I will be the first to admit that I sometimes have a strong personality. I do not let people talk to me any kind of way and I do not let people take advantage of me. I can also say that those traits have nothing to do with being black. There is no such thing as “black girl attitude” in my world. Why? Because I know plenty of women (and men) who don’t take mess from anyone. Why should you?! It has way more to do with how you view yourself and what you think you deserve from people. Black women are known for being strong but we aren’t the only ones who stand up for ourselves and not all black women do anyway.

I am in a group o Facebook for people who support AMBW relationships. ( Asian Men, Black Women) I figured that it would be a very positive way to show my support and to maybe meet some nice Asian men. I couldn’t have been more wrong. This group is full of  ABW ( Angry Black Women) who are all pretty much competing for the attention of the same 5 or 6 Asian men. There are over 2,000 members in this group mind you, but only about 20 or 30 are active and most of those are ABW. I do not use th term ABW lightly because I hate that many  black women are automatically placed in that category just because they don’t let people push them around. These women really are angry. At any given time, you can open the page and catch a good old catfight between two ABW over something completely stupid.

This morning, I woke up to a fun little Q&A session that one woman started. She asked about the Nationality of each person in the group. So of course, you have people who harp on her use of the term Nationality. It’s always the same people who talk to everyone like they are stupid.            ” Don’t you mean ethnicity?”  ” It’s sad that you don’t know the difference.”  Then another woman started ranting about how it shouldn’t matter anyway because that’s not what she should be focusing on when getting to know someone.  *sigh*  People, it was supposed to be a fun, lighthearted discussion about everyone’s background. I’m a very intelligent and educated person and sometimes I get Nationality and Ethnicity confused. Even within the group, they could not agree on the difference. Is Nationality referring to where you were born, where your ancestors come from, or what it says on your passport?

Anyway, the original poster and the woman who didn’t think it should matter got into this heated discussion that soon turned into name calling. I really hate to hear anyone being called a bitch….especially over something like this. This is the third discussion in a week to explode into a name calling session. The other two were between AM and BW ( Asian men and black women). My point is that those of us who do not fit into the stereotype are pretty much  being ignored. The attention goes to those who DO fit the stereotype. These women are not representing all black women! When there are black women acting like they have sense, people think that we are just an exception to the rule. How sad is that?

Why do I talk  about race? Why is it an issue? Try growing up being told things like ” My Mom thinks that nobody will want to date me because I dated a black girl” and then try not to think about race. It makes no sense to people who have never had these types of experiences.


November 20, 2011 - Posted by | Bitching, Less than 3 | , , , , , ,


  1. I’m Australian born and of Irish, Scottish and English descent so don’t really know of these issues you write off (ABW) but anyone or any parent that makes assumptions or judgements on any human being based on their nationality or ethnicicity and not who they are as a person is saying alot about themselves, their fears and beliefs and nothing about you, I learnt that one a long time ago, but it is still hard not to take offense. And when you say “I do not let people talk to me any kind of way and I do not let people take advantage of me.” you are right this has nothing to do with ancestory, this is called self-respect and dignity and we all should have this and have a right to this and the right to speak up for ourselves and any wrong-doing towards us.
    To me, only knowing you through this blog, you are a beautiful person and anyone who doesn’t see this from their own judgements is missing out on having a great person in their lives.

    Comment by lilithrose76 | November 20, 2011 | Reply

    • WOW! What a nice compliment! I can’t believe that anyone is reading my blog! Thank you for reading and for the kind words. :0)

      Comment by truewomanifesto | November 20, 2011 | Reply

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