Get Up & Grow

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop? "

So…

Let’s go back to these unrealistic expectations that I have as a result of too many romance novels…

One thing that I have noticed is that I require a lot of attention from men. In my head, I tell myself that I don’t REALLY expect them to spend every free moment texting me or calling me or being with me but…if I could have it that way, I would love it. I think that I forget that some people ( not me) have lives and can’t be on their phones sending emoticons and sweet little messages all day.  It has ruined many a relationship and it’s the reason why B3 and I will probably never be together.

Are there men out there who require just as much time and attention? Honestly, the people who have come and go in my life that were even remotely close to as needy as I am have annoyed the hell out of me. That should say something to me….the message should be loud and clear.

I’ve always been just a little too eager…never good at playing hard to get. ( Not that playing hard to get is cute because it really isn’t.)

SO anyway…I think I’ve been bitten by the FAMILY bug again lately. It’s probably due to the fact that so many people got engaged and announced their pregnancies during the holiday season. I just think that sharing a life and creating life are two of the most beautiful things that we get to do and some times it seems like I’m the only person not doing it! I understand that these are perfectly normal feelings to have but it still doesn’t keep me from feeling like a creeper when I talk to people about it. People have a way of throwing every over used saying in the book at you to try to make you feel better.

I’m still young. Check.

I have plenty of time. Check.

When I stop looking, love with find me. Check.

There’s someone out there who is perfect for me. Check.

Yep. Got it. Cool but…it doesn’t change anything for me. My heart still wants what it wants.

 

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December 29, 2011 Posted by | Less than 3 | , , , , | Leave a comment

30 Days of Truth: Day 12

Something you never get complimented on:

I never really get complimented on my hard work. Nobody ever notices when I’m grinding and whooping ass in the class room and also killing my own courses toward my second Masters degree. ( I currently have all As in my program of study…)

But you know what? I don’t do it for them to compliment me. I do it because that’s who I am and what I do. I am my own biggest fan and that’s the way it should always be…even if others don’t notice or care. I have to provide fuel for myself because depending on anyone else to do it is very dangerous.

December 29, 2011 Posted by | Affirmation | Leave a comment

30 Days of Truth: Day 11

Something people seem to compliment you on the most:

This one is easy. People don’t really notice the things about me that I wish they would. The one thing that I get compliments on more than anything is my body. I know that most people would be really happy about that. I’ve never had any weight issues and I am top heavy….it’s what most women dream of having. The problem is that I feel that a lot of men see me as a side piece. They look at my body and don’t see wife material, they see someone who they could “have fun with” for a little while. I have a profile on a popular dating site here in Korea and 9 times out of 10, within the first five minutes of talking to someone from there, they are commenting on my body. ( No matter how I arrange my pictures or write about wanting a GENTLEMAN in my profile.) I want to be more than a pair of floating boobs to men.  I feel like they get so damn distracted and all they ever think about when it comes to me is sex.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my body….though it isn’t what it once was. I just don’t want it to be the only thing that people think I have going for me! I think I have a complex about this because when I was in high school, I had a jealous friend. When she found out that any guy liked me, she would remind me that it was just because I had big boobs. I think that I started to believe her!  I think that I am very sensitive about it because any time a man comments about my body, I get defensive and assume that he’s a jerk.  I definitely need to work on being able to take a compliment about it without assuming that the man is just looking for a sexy good time.

December 28, 2011 Posted by | Bitching | , , , | Leave a comment

At First Sight

Their eyes met from across the street and it was love at first sight for him. He felt his heart rate increase as he stopped to openly stare at her. She was about 5’5″ and curvy in all the right places. Her long hair,which was loc’d, fell well beyond her bare cocoa brown shoulders to the middle of her back. The smile on her face was genuine and easy as it spread all the way to her large, almond-shaped eyes. An angry driver honked as he made his way across the street to where she stood. Refusing to take his eyes off of her for s second, he feared she might disappear.

_______________________

She watched him walk in to the street with no regard for the on coming traffic and shook her head slowly. He was going to get himself hurt. Was it possible that he really was looking at her? Glancing behind her, she saw nothing but the Starbucks she’d just stepped out of with her chamomile tea. No one was standing behind her.  Maybe he hasn’t had his morning caffeine fix, she thought as he came to a stop in front of her.

” Hi.” He said, extending a hand to her and smiling. His full lips pulled back from a set of beautiful white teeth.

“Hi” She said,  shifting her cup and accepting his hand. She  listened intently as he gave her his name then offered hers.

Wow, his whiskey colored eyes were amazing…

December 28, 2011 Posted by | iWrite | , , , , | Leave a comment

Protected: 30 Days of Truth: Day 10

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December 27, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | Enter your password to view comments.

30 Days of Truth: Day 9

Someone you didn’t’ want to let go but just drifted:

My best friend from college was pretty dope. She was a dance major like me but instead of education, her focus was performance. We met in a health class that we both hated. The professor would give these tests and after that, my new friend and I would slip out of class….eat fast food…get tattoos, etc.  We had  a lot in common but we were also very different in other ways. I loved her bubbly personality…normally bubbly people annoy me but she always knew how to put me in a great mood. Any time either of us was bummed out, we would plop down in front of a movie with tubs of ice cream in our laps and veg out. I was really the only friend of hers that stuck by her when her mother died of cancer. I had really loved her mother and I had promised her that I would look after her daughter. As it turned out, her mother had a best friend from college with the exact same first and last name as me!

Things started to slip when we decided to live together. It never fails…best friends that live together very rarely come out of the experience the same. I felt like she was eating up all of the food and using all of the toilet paper and not pitching in enough. She seemed to just get tired of always being around me. She started to hang out with our mutual friends without me and I knew they were excluding me on purpose. Finally, I decided to move out. I admit, it was a rotten thing to do to stick her with the rent but I couldn’t take it anymore. I had become depressed over the fact that this person had edged me out of her life. So I moved into a place by myself and we didn’t talk for a long time.

After a few months, we started to communicate again and then we started to hang out a little. Soon after that, we went back to the way we were before…inseperable. We would go out to the club every weekend wearing practically nothing and shake our asses all night long. I think that this time though, there was less actual talking about our lives and more partying. I spent a lot of time being her personal body-guard as well, getting into fights with people at the club for her and chasing off guys who she dated who got out of hand. ( apparently, I am intimidating.)

When I decided to move to Arizona, she supported me but then that’s when we started to grow apart again. She never called or contacted me and I found that when we did talk, it was because I was contacting her. In the 4 years that I was in AZ, she never came to see me but I would hear about her taking vacations with boyfriends or with her Father. It’s still like that even now. When she got an iPhone, I asked her to download an application that would make it possible for us to talk for free and she never did it. I asked her 3 times and she just kept saying that she would look into it. That was really the last straw. I mean…you can’t even be bothered to download a FREE app so that you can talk to me? All of my other friends with the ability to download the app did so within 10 minutes of me mentioning it and were delighted to be able to communicate with me.

My mother had a similar situation with her childhood best friend and she told me that I’ve pretty much done all that I can do. I’m really sick of putting forth the effort only to have her casually give me the brush off. I decided that I’m not going to make a big show out of ending our friendship, I’m simply going to stop putting in the effort. If she wants to continue being friends, she needs to step up and make some time to do so.

December 26, 2011 Posted by | Bitching | , | 2 Comments

30 Days of Truth: Day 8

Someone who has made your life hell or treated you like shit:

I can’t think of a single person that fits under this category. I’m just not the kind of person who lets someone stay around if the are treating me badly. So I guess that if there is ever a time when my life feels like hell it would have to be because of ME because I’m the only person who has that kind of power over my life. I’d also have to say that I don’t treat myself that well sometimes either. I allow myself to think that there is something wrong with me because I’m single. I don’t watch what I eat or exercise like I should.

I am very blessed to be able to say that NO ONE does these things to me but, I could be  a little kinder to myself. That’s something that I will definitely have to work on.

December 24, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

30 Days of Truth: Day 7

Someone who makes your life worth living:

My first teaching job in Arizona was complete bullshit. I was attracted to the Fine Arts signature that the school had but honestly, the administrators didn’t care that much about the Arts. Jessica was teaching PE at the same school when we met and we had the same feelings about teaching Elementary school kids….it just wasn’t for us. I didn’t hang out with her that much while we were there…mostly when I was invited to events by mutual friends. I do, however, remember sticking up for her when those same mutual friends were unfair or rude to her or behind her back. I instantly liked her but I think that she and I are both loners. That next school year, we both moved up to the High school district.

We started hanging out a lot more right before I decided to move here to Korea. I found that talking to her was so easy and fun. We did things like grab dinner, watch movies, go shopping…but she is one person that I could spend a lot of time with and never get tired of.

So, we have this “mutual friend” I say it like that because I honestly don’t care for this person at all. I think she is self-centered and boring. Anyway, this person is actually her best friend. One of the things that I admire about Jessica is that she is so damn caring and she doesn’t have my knack for cutting people off for little or no reason. She is so loyal, even to those who do not deserve it.  More than anything, I just want her to learn to be selfish sometimes and do things for herself JUST BECAUSE. I can’t wait for her to start teaching abroad….she deserves some happiness and she has worked SO HARD.

Jessica and I couldn’t be more alike if we tried. We are both into making things ( knitting, crochet, etc.), camping, teaching, and reading. We are both challenged  and a bit angry at times when it comes to dating. We have almost the same sense of humor and I find myself laughing like a crazy person when we are together.

I want to start talking to her more…I haven’t had much of a chance since I’ve been here. That is about to change because she is honestly one of the best people I’ve ever had in my life.

December 22, 2011 Posted by | Affirmation, Less than 3 | , | Leave a comment

30 Days of Truth: Day 6

Something you hope you never have to do:

Someone I love is in the process of a divorce…

I hope I will never have to go through being separated or getting divorced. I know that many marriages aren’t surviving these days but I am hopeful that once I find my King, we will be together for the rest of our lives. I hate the whole idea of divorce and falling out of love with someone.  I hate to think about what divorce might do to a child who is caught in the middle. I know that it can’t always be avoided and I’m not one of those people who believes in staying in an unhappy situation just for the sake of saying you never gave up but…I really hate divorce.

I want to study love and marriage and find out what makes it last before I take that step with someone. I want to really know them and let them really know me. I don’t want to be just a statistic…anothing notch in the divorced count. I want my love and my marriage to last.

December 21, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , | 1 Comment

When I wake up…An award nomination!

When I wake up….everything I went through will be beautiful…

When I woke up this morning, I had a message telling me that Halfway Between The Gutter And The Stars  ( read her blog! It’s amazing!) had nominated me for a blog award. It made me feel like sharing my happiness and my pain was worth it because someone is actually reading and understanding. Someone can relate to me.

Rules:

1. Thank the award-giver and link back to them in your post.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass this award along  to 15 recently discovered blogs you enjoy reading.
4. Contact your chosen bloggers to let them know about the award.

Seven things about me:

1.) My middle name is Dawn. When I marry, I want to change my maiden name to my middle name and then take my husband’s name as my last.

2.) I have a tattoo of myself in a past life on my back. It’s an Egyptian cat with an ankh choker standing in front of a pyramid in the moonlight.

3.) I don’t take compliments about my appearance very well. I would rather hear nice things about my mind or personality. I have no idea why that is.

4.) I am socially awkward.

5.) I am a member of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc, The Order of the Eastern Star, and Daughters of Isis.

6.) I would like to name my first born daughter after my father: James . I know that everyone thinks of that as a boy’s name but I really like it for a girl.

7.) My Grandmother was a stone cold fox. Not only was she beautiful but she carried herself like real queen. Her style, her personality, and her desire to help others attracted people to her. I want to be like her when I grow up. I base the woman I want to be on the lessons that I learned just from observing her.

15 blogs that I love:

1. LifeInTheFarceLane 

2. MsDarlingDiva

3. Curiousity Killed The Kat

4. Simple Pleasures

5. My Side of the Street

6. Story of Alice

7. Talinorfali

8. The Style Voyager

9. Care 4 Curls

10. The Mental Ward

11. TinySartorialist

12. Andrew Hyde’s Blog

13. Towards Healing

14. Lifestyle30

15. The Rainbow Alliance

I love this! I wonder who will win the award! I’m just happy to be nominated!

December 20, 2011 Posted by | Affirmation | , , , | 2 Comments