Get Up & Grow

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop? "

Dating is Scary

Dating in a foreign country is scary enough without hearing about all of the stories of Korea. I read the other day that Korean men have the 2nd highest rate of extramarital affairs in the entire world! I could say that it doesn’t make me stop and think but I’d be lying. I’m not about any kind of discrimination but…it does make me think that maybe my situations with some of the men I’ve dated here haven’t gone bad just because I have a vivid imagination. Men here are definitely use to treating women a certain way and it’s different from what I’m use to.  I don’t mean the cheating because that happens everywhere but I definitely get the feeling that men here are in control of relationships. They make most of the decisions and they can also decide that they are simply too busy for their GFs whenever they want. It’s ok for them to blow their dates off to hang out with the guys if they feel like it. Domestic violence is tolerated more here…the list goes on and on. I’m not saying that all of the men are like that…but I’ve just noticed that the women here put up with a lot more of this stuff.

I was on my way back from a dance class the other evening when I stopped at a shop in the subway station. I was looking for a new case for my phone and what I found was an opportunity to play therapist. As soon as I walked into the shop, the man working there was in my face. He was smiling sweetly, asking me about myself, and flirting shamelessly. I picked out the things that I wanted and he purposely took care of the other people first so that I would be left alone with him. He wanted to personally put my new case on my phone. ( I had just watched him sell a similar case to another lady but he rushed her out the door.) So once we sat down, he told me that I had the best body he’d ever seen. While I thought it was inappropriate for him to say that to me, I just thanked him and hoped that he would be done with my phone soon. He went on to ask if I was married. I told him that I wasn’t and asked him the same. I knew that he would stutter and give himself away. He said that he might be getting married next year. He has been with his gf for 7 years. I thought that was the worst of it but he also said that he had been dating two women for a few months now. He seemed to think that he had some kind of problem that was beyond his control. ( It made me think of all of these celebrities and politicians who claim to have sex addictions.) He whipped out a picture of him and his gf of 7 years. There were hearts all over the picture and he talked about how much he loved her.

So I asked him why he was cheating if he loved her so much. Didn’t he care that both women might find out and get hurt? He said that he didn’t know why he did it and that he can’t marry his GF with this other woman around. Yeah well….I reminded him that he didn’t need two women….he only needed one and he said that he loved her. By the time I left, he was determined to break things off with the other woman and marry his GF of 7 years.

I just keep thinking….you have been with this woman for 7 years and you are cheating on her NOW when it’s time to think about a more serious committement?! No matter how long you are with someone, it’s hard to tell if you actually KNOW them. This is what really scares me about dating and marriage. That and not knowing how the other person really feels about me.

I want to try to talk to some people who have successful, healthy relationships and focus my attention on that instead of this negative stuff though. I don’t want to become one of those people who lives in fear and doesn’t trust anyone.

 

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December 13, 2011 - Posted by | Bitching, Less than 3 | , ,

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