Get Up & Grow

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop? "

30 Days of Truth: Day 3

Something you have to forgive yourself for:

About 3 or 4 years ago, I walked away from my first love for good. I had been loving him and dealing with him off and on for 11 years and it was time to put an end to it. We had both changed and at the time, he was trying to use me as a rebound for his other off and on girlfriend. We had been engaged twice and married never. We started at high school sweethearts and honestly, I think that he is truly the only man I have ever really loved…been in love with…

Even though he called me saying that he never should have let me go and got my hopes up only to let me know the next day that he’d gotten back together with the other chick….I never really forgave myself for walking away. I forgave him a long time ago and spoke to him just long enough to tell him that but….I never really forgave myself.

There are times when I get really sad and think that I will never find another man who will love me the way he did back when we were in high school. We had our issues…we were teenagers…but the pure strength of his love is something that I don’t think I will ever be able to forget. I don’t miss him….I miss being loved like that. But it’s that feeling that nobody will ever love me like that again that makes it hard for me to forgive myself for giving up.Part of me thinks that maybe I should have held on to some tiny bit of hope that he and I would end up together but…the other part of me only wants to think of the way he started treating me after he started seeing her.

I know that everything happens for  a reason and deep down I know that it wasn’t meant to be but….we just seemed so right together before and everyone just KNEW that we would end up being the first ones married to each other out of the group.

I just think that I need to forgive myself and more forward with my life.

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December 18, 2011 - Posted by | Less than 3 | , , , ,

3 Comments »

  1. Wow! That is crazy to hear that people have to learn to forgive themselves for loving and thinking a certain way. There is such a strength in getting this out into the open and I know that you will find love that is endless. And when I am at your wedding, lol, and we are acting crazy we will laugh until the tears fall! Always remember that! 🙂
    Korah Kat

    Comment by slowlybreathingagain | December 19, 2011 | Reply

  2. I know the feeling of worrying you’ll never find another love like that. All I can say is that I did find someone, and without them I would never have been truly happy. I only realised this when I let my ex-fiancé go.

    Comment by halfwaybetweenthegutter | December 19, 2011 | Reply

    • Thanks for sharing that. It made me feel hope.♥♥♥

      Comment by truewomanifesto | December 19, 2011 | Reply


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