Get Up & Grow

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop? "

30 Days of Truth: Day 16

Something or Someone that you definitely could live without:

I could definitely live without dishonest people. Some are just flat-out liars and some just let you have the wrong idea so that they can gain something from it. Life would totally rock without people like that in it.  There really are a lot of people out there who can lie and not feel bad about it. There are people who cheat and steal their way through life and they never get caught or punished for it.

I could definitely live without being given the  ” I’m the perfect package” speech from a guy and then finding out that they are nothing like what they said.

“I’m sick of all of the dating. I want to settle down” LIE

” I’m in no hurry. You are worth the wait.” LIE

” I think cheating is just wrong and I don’t do it. ” LIE

” Looks aren’t the most important thing.” LIE

Don’t get me wrong…I haven’t give anyone the chance to tell me much of anything lately so this isn’t coming from recent experiences but…it has happened quite a bit in the past.

There are people out there who are exactly what they say they are and I really appreciate that. There is no reason for a grown people to fib like a little kid and misrepresent themselves. I think that recently I have met a lot more honest people and you really can tell the difference in the way they carry themselves. I used to think that there were no warning signs that someone was a liar….now I’m not so sure of that. I think that before I just wanted to believe that everyone was basically good and that most people would not do anything to hurt me. Not that I have turned into a completely paranoid person, but I think I’ve gotten better at watching my own back.

It’s kind of sad the things that you have to learn to do to survive in today’s world….some people are really shitty…here’s to meeting and hanging on to more of those people who aren’t!

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January 5, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Adventures in Dating Korean Men

I have always been really open minded when it comes to dating. I don’t like to assume anything or make generalizations about people because of their race, religion, or lifestyle. I really hate to hear other people doing these things as well. While I lived in the States, I dated a number of Asian American men. I believe that dating a person is a unique experience and you can’t just lump people together and say what they are all like as boyfriends/girlfriends/wives/husbands or in bed.

So…I have noticed that the Korean men that I have dated here so far have been obsessed with asking about the other Korean men that I have dated. They want to know if I have dated Korean men before and they seem so surprised when I say that I have dating Asian and Asian American men before coming here. One guy said ” C’mon, Black women don’t date Asian men…didn’t you ever see Romeo Must Die?” I’m not sure what the hell that was supposed to mean but I told him that I would think that at his age he would have learned not to make such generalizations. ( Esp. to a Black woman who DOES date Asian men.) Not all Korean men are going to be this way and I understand that but why do I happen to be meeting all of the Korean men who have these messed up ideas about anyone who isn’t Korean?

There are many other things that these men have assumed about me. When they find out that I am a former dance teacher, they automatically assume that I could have only taught hip hop dance. I let them know that hip hop is one genre that I actually did not teach because I was not trained in it. There was a guy who told me that I looked like a great dancer because I was wearing a bandana in my picture. Really? That’s how I figured out that he was thinking that I was a hip hop teacher.

One thing that a lot of people assume is that certain people will perform a certain way in bed because of their race or nationality. People think that Black men and women are the best in bed….that Asians are boring and have small parts….all White women give head, etc. I can’t tell you how many times I have been approached by a jerk wanting to know what it’s like ” to have sex with a black girl”.  I immediately cut off communications with people like that. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT!

I always think that there is something that people are not saying when they deal with me. There is always that unspoken “…for a black girl”.

“You’re really pretty….for a black girl.”

” You’re really smart….for a black girl.”

“You’re really open-minded…..for a black girl.”

Sometimes they say it and sometimes they don’t. The surprise in their voice when I tell them that I am working on my second Masters degree, that I date men of different races, or when they are talking about my pictures says it all.

Most of the Korean men that I have dated have been really into drinking….REALLY into it. It has been to the point where they lose interest in hanging out with me because I don’t want to get drunk with them. Sorry…I don’t get drunk with anyone because I don’t like being drunk. Nothing personal but the guys that I’ve dated don’t seem to understand that I’m not disrespecting them by not wanting to drink. Others don’t want to drink because I’m not drinking….even just a beer with dinner. I can tell that some of these people really want that alcohol but I’m keeping them from having it because I’m not drinking….that makes me feel bad and then things are kinda awkward from there.

Aside from these things….the Korean men that I have dated have been similar to everyone else that I have dated. There has been a lot of pressure to forget about the future and just jump into bed together. ( I’m not with that…sorry.)

Men are not all the same. Everyone is different. Having said that, I have not had a lot of luck with the Korean men that I have dated here. I hope that if I am in a situation to date more Korean men, I will meet some who do not have these characteristics. I know that they are not all the same but I do wonder what about me attracts this certain type of man….? It’s worth looking into I think!

January 5, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment