Get Up & Grow

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop? "

5 Things He’ll Just Have to Accept

All I’ve been hearing lately from people is how relationships are about compromise.  ( Usually I’m hearing it from a man who wants to change something about me…) I agree whole-heartedly that there are times when you need to compromise with the person that you are with for the good of your relationship. I don’t, however, believe that it should be one-sided, with one person constantly pointing out “flaws” and expecting changes to me made. There are also some things that my future man will just have to accept about me:

1) I have  a dog. My dog is loved and spoiled. He sleeps in the bed with me and pretty much has the freedom to roam my home and do what he wants within reason. I do not obsessively clean his feet or vacuum his hair off of things. I like to keep a nice apartment but I do not go crazy over it. Anyone who has a problem with dogs, or my dog in general need not apply.

2) I have tattoos. I have lots of them actually and I love every single one. In Korea, tattoos are becoming more popular and I was very surprised to hear my co-teacher say that she wanted one. I was told before I came here that I would be stared at and pretty much hated for my tattoos and that hasn’t really been the case. There are still some people here who think that women with tattoos have connections with gangster or they are prostitute and that’s fine. They can be ignorant if they wish. My tattoos are obviously permanent and I don’t want to date anyone who has crazy ideas about what having a tattoo means about a person…or someone whose family is going to make a huge deal out of it.

3) I am emotional. It has nothing to do with being a woman or having PMS. I am just a naturally emotional person. I tend to be very sensitive to the things that certain people say. I don’t keep a lot of people around me so when I do let someone near me, I care about what they think.  I am always working on improving the way I interact with others so some of the sensitivity has worn off over the years. There are certain things that I think are rude and unnecessary and I’m not going to say them to people who I care about and I expect them to have the same respect for me.

4) I’m a casual sort of woman. I have two points here. You are not going to catch me out in public each day wearing heels and make up. As much as I love those things, they are a pain in my butt and I only wear them when I feel like it. I don’t have to wear them everyday to feel good about myself or to look good. Some women like to dress up to the nines everyday and I love the different styles and looks that I see but that’s just not me. I can throw together a hot outfit and beat my face with makeup just as well as the next woman but I’m not going to do it on a daily basis. Second point… notice my use of the word WOMAN instead of girl.

5) I demand respect. I believe that there is a certain way that men and women should treat each other and I won’t settle for less. You aren’t going to talk to me any kind of way or treat me like I don’t matter. If I don’t matter, there’s the door…please dont’ waste another second of my time. I am the type of person to treat my man like a King so I expect to be treated like the Queen I am.

So…there’s my list. I think I might expand it at some point but it’s good for now. ;0)

February 27, 2012 Posted by | Affirmation, Less than 3 | , , , , | 5 Comments

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February 26, 2012 Posted by | Less than 3 | , , , | Enter your password to view comments.

Never put off until tomorrow…

I have learned a valuable lesson today. If there are warning signs and red flags when you are around someone…TAKE IT TO HEART! When people show you who they really are…believe them.

I have come to realize that avoiding people in general is not the way to avoid drama… avoiding people who love to bathe in drama is the way to do it. Some people have to be in the middle of drama or creating drama everywhere they go. If you are not being confrontational and rude, they think you are being fake or not keeping it 100 with them. No, there are just some things in life that aren’t worth starting a war over….most things actually.

Today I have been set free from a connection from a person whose personality does not mesh well with mine. I can’t deal with people who are so angry and bitter that they make the lives of others uncomfortable. I can’t be around someone who says such ugly things about their “friends” behind their backs. I need positive people in my life.

Here’s to drama free fun!

February 24, 2012 Posted by | Affirmation | , , , , | Leave a comment

Just wanted to share this

February 23, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

If you know what’s good for you…

I definitely have been able to identify things that just AREN’T for me. But, I’m having a harder time figuring out what’s good for me. Well really, I’m having a hard time TRUSTING myself to know what’s good for me. Opportunities are being presented and I’m too stuck in fear to take them. I have so many excuses why I can’t but in reality, it might be the best thing for me.

It’s such a sad thing when something good comes your way and you don’t know how to enjoy it because you aren’t used to that kind of good luck. You end up convincing yourself that you either don’t want it or don’t deserve it.

What’s your next move going to be?

Life really is like a big game and sometimes if you are too focused on choosing the perfect strategy, you can miss out on some truly beautiful opportunities. I am a fan of “going with the flow” and letting things just happen but how often do I actually allow that in my own life?

 
They always say that life is short and really it is. It’s too short to live with regrets, to live in fear, and to run away from new opportunities.  It’s also too short to let people walk all over you.
I think what I’d like to do is just have more fun and allow myself to enjoy things that make me feel good. They might not always lead to where I want them to but I can enjoy them nonetheless.

February 23, 2012 Posted by | Affirmation | , , | Leave a comment

Be the Change Pt. 2- You don’t have to care but you ain’t wasting anymore of my time!

Long title but I really love it. The first part of Be the Change was about helping bring about changes at work and those things are all falling into place. This time I want to reflect on a recurring theme in my relationships with other people. This is one of those situations where I need to take better care of myself.

Similar to those who I have allowed to hurt me and stay are the ones who just kind of lurk. They don’t particularly care about me or what happens in my life but they are just AROUND. Their sole purpose is to fill my days with pointless chatter about nothing at all. But when it comes down to it, they aren’t interested in being there for me or letting me be there for them. I have to find out about big changes in their life from my FB or Twitter timelines or even from another person. There is either no verbal confirmation that I have any importance in their lives or they say it but don’t mean it. There are two different profiles for these kinds of people in my life.

#1- The “Bestie”- So I actually do have some pretty kick ass besties who are great but then there are the posers. I have two or three people in my life who at some point, called themselves my bestie but never really acted like one. These people made no attempt to visit me when I moved to Arizona but were somehow able to take other expensive trips around the country. These people completely left me out when things happened in their lives that needed sharing and I ended up hearing about stuff way later. When I did talk to them, it was because I was calling them and trying to touch base…never the other way around. I live in Korea now and do you think that they ever contact me to see how I’m doing or to ask about what kinds of things I’m experiencing here? Nope. The reason why this hurts so much is because these are people whom I’ve actually been through a lot with in the past. Some were never really about anything and I just failed to see it but others are people who once cared or pretended to care about me.

#2- The ” Candidate” – We have all been in situations where we wanted to date someone and we were really feeling them but they just always gave off this vibe like they could take or leave you. WHY ARE YOU WASTING MY TIME?! You can sit on Kakaotalk and run your mouth for hours about what a great wingman you are for your friends but when I am going through something, you don’t even ask if I’m ok?  Or, you take 5 hours to respond to messages normally but if I send a message that is even remotely sexual, you are ON IT within minutes? Or, you spend hours a day talking to me but you can’t or won’t admit that you are even a little bit interested in me. ( Either you aren’t interested or you  think you are too cool to say so…either way, you are wasting my time!) I could spend an entire year of my life talking to a person like that and I would never move past the ” I guess we’ll just have to wait and see” stage because they are not worried about me. They just like to hear themselves talk.

So what I’m trying to say is that I want to surround myself with people who care. No more letting others come in and be heartless place holders. No more letting people occupy parts of my life and make no contribution and keep me from making a contribution in their lives. I have spent a lot of time in my short life trying to hold on to people who just didn’t really care. I was just something to do when they were bored or another friend on their friendslist. When it’s time to let go, it’s time to let go. My goal though, is to be able to recognize these people earlier so that I won’t have to let them go because I will not have allowed myself to get attached to them in the first place.

February 22, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why do we stay? (And return?)

When things are good...

 
 
 
 
 Recently there has been a lot of talk about Rihanna and Chris Brown. People are saying that these two are making music together and possibly getting back together. I’m not big on celebrity gossip but hearing about this has made me think about a few things. Why do people stay in miserable situations or return to people who have damaged them? How in the world do you just forget about being beaten down ( physically or emotionally) by someone? I’m reminded of  all of those episodes of daytime talk shows where people are confronted with the same question and the answer is always the same. ” But, I love him/her”.   It seems to me that we will allow things to go very wrong and very far in the name of love. Are we so hungry for love that we will push aside our self-respect and let someone treat us like we are subhuman? Absolutely…I see it everyday. But what happens inside a person to make them believe that this person who is really torturing them actually loves them? 
 
 

How do you forget about this?!

 
 
 
 Personally, I have never stayed with or returned to someone who made me miserable but I am guilty of sticking myself into the same unhealthy situations over and over. The people change…the misery doesn’t. I think that some times I do it with the belief that something will change or that the person will finally care enough about me to stop hurting me. Just to clarify, I have only been in one relationship where the guy thought he would hit me and he only got one shot in before I kicked his sorry ass. And that was the end of that but am I really that different from these women who stay in abusive relationships?  I may not let anyone beat on me but I have allowed people to make me feel bad about myself. I have Given so many chances when I suspected that the other person was being dishonest with me. I put up with crap for the same reasons they do…I’m hungry for love. Am I any better?

February 21, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , | 1 Comment

The song is on …

The song is on repeat right now…too much on my mind.

” Here I am thinking again…all lost in my brain….when I know I should get up and get out of it. I gotta keep moving.”

Jill Scott….where the HELL did you come from?!

I don’t know what is going on with me today. This goes beyond an ignorant comment from an ex who is a non-factor. It has to. This has been a great couple of days and right now, I’m just angry and moody. What is going on?! You know I’ve been working hard not to make this blog all about me and my moods but more about the way I really think but today…

All this means is that I’m human and I go through the same cycles eveyone else does.

Side note: Infatuation or not…I enjoy him and I’d jump at the chance to get to know him better. #POW

February 16, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

THIS is why you didn’t deserve me

So my Valentine’s Day was really sweet and I left messages on FB for the most important people in my life to tell them that I love them. It struck me that there was one person whom I had forgotten…someone who loved me a long time ago and who taught me what love was…my ex. I don’t actually talk to my first love and now I am convinced that it’s for the best. Here is the message that I sent him privately:

Ok….bear with me…I am sending messages to people today to tell them why they are important in my life. I believe that Valentine’s Day is about love in all forms so I like to do this to show appreciation for the people who have loved me during my lifetime. This year I wanted to finally tell you some things. This is in no way meant to offend you or to make you feel uncomfortable but I would like to express myself so here goes….

We weren’t meant to spend our lives together but back then nobody could have told me that. You were the first and only person that I was ever in love with. I have loved many people in my life in different ways and for different periods of time but that is not the same as being in love. You taught me what love is in so many beautiful and sometimes unconventional ways. We shared everything ( mind, heart, and body) and by giving yourself to someone so completely, you learn to trust. What we had was a classic first love story that I never get tired of….because it helped make me the person I am today. Are we still in love? No. But I do appreciate the person you were back then and the person that you will always be. I appreciate the things that you taught me about life…love…and myself. I appreciate having the experiences that I had with you. Only now…once I’ve let go of the past and focused on wishing for a healthy and happy future for us both do I uncover the last piece of what it is to truly love someone. We don’t talk and that’s probably for the best but I did want to thank you, Marcus…and tell you that you have impacted my life. When I tell you that I wish you all the happiness in the world, please believe me because it’s completely true! Happy Valentine’s Day!

He thanked me for my message and said that it was sweet. His other comment was that we were nearly 30 and surely I had been in love again by now. I replied that no, I hadn’t but I looked forward to it in the future. That was that until this morning when I woke up to another message from him.

Especially now since u always had a thing for tiny asian penis. Now you can get a whole bunch of it!

What?! Are we in the 5th grade?! Who is this person and what has he done with the man I used to love?! I couldn’t believe that he would say something like this….esp. after the things that I had said to him about the impact that he made in my life!  So I just said

Almost 30, huh? Have a great rest of your week though. :0)

I know he was expecting the old me…the person who would start an argument over much less than this. Why waste the energy on someone who would talk to me this way after years of not speaking much and trying to sort out our feelings?!  His reply was that there was nothing wrong with a sense of humor and that I had to admit that it was pretty funny. I just told him ” Yep.You’re right. I’m getting ready for work. Have a good one.”  There is no point in fighting and getting upset. He is a non-factor in my life at this point. His contributions were made a long time ago and instead of letting him destroy my memories of him…I’d like to remember him the way he was back then. There is absolutely no reason to continue to talk to him.

I will let myself think about this situation the next time I start to feel like I miss him. I want to remind myself that the part of my life that included him is over and he is not the person I once knew and loved.

I think that even though I knew we would never be together again, part of me wanted to have some kind of friendship with him. Sometimes letting go really is the best thing to do.

February 16, 2012 Posted by | Affirmation, Bitching, Less than 3 | , , , , , | 1 Comment

I’m Single- Why I don’t hate Valentine’s Day

For as long as I’ve been alive, Valentine’s Day has always been a very commercialized, lovey-dovey kind of day. Everyone is so focused on whether or not they are in a relationship and that has become the main theme of the holiday. I used to get sucked up into that as well and it was miserable…especially since I spent most of my Vdays as a single person. I have come to realize though, that what needed to change was my attitude.

My mother has always made sure that I knew that I was loved on Valentine’s Day. When I was growing up, she would set the breakfast table up with Vday goodies for me. There was always candy and a card and usually there would be a cute pair of Vday themed socks or something like that. It wasn’t the THINGS that she gave me on that day that told me that I was loved. It was the time and consideration it took to do that for me. My fondest Valentine’s Day memories have nothing to do with romance…they have more to do with unconditional love and gestures of love from all sources. ( esp. my Mom)

I am spending this day contacting people who are important to me and telling them just how much they mean to me. That’s what it’s all about for me.

February 14, 2012 Posted by | Affirmation, Less than 3 | , , , , | Leave a comment