Get Up & Grow

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop? "

Be the Change Pt. 2- You don’t have to care but you ain’t wasting anymore of my time!

Long title but I really love it. The first part of Be the Change was about helping bring about changes at work and those things are all falling into place. This time I want to reflect on a recurring theme in my relationships with other people. This is one of those situations where I need to take better care of myself.

Similar to those who I have allowed to hurt me and stay are the ones who just kind of lurk. They don’t particularly care about me or what happens in my life but they are just AROUND. Their sole purpose is to fill my days with pointless chatter about nothing at all. But when it comes down to it, they aren’t interested in being there for me or letting me be there for them. I have to find out about big changes in their life from my FB or Twitter timelines or even from another person. There is either no verbal confirmation that I have any importance in their lives or they say it but don’t mean it. There are two different profiles for these kinds of people in my life.

#1- The “Bestie”- So I actually do have some pretty kick ass besties who are great but then there are the posers. I have two or three people in my life who at some point, called themselves my bestie but never really acted like one. These people made no attempt to visit me when I moved to Arizona but were somehow able to take other expensive trips around the country. These people completely left me out when things happened in their lives that needed sharing and I ended up hearing about stuff way later. When I did talk to them, it was because I was calling them and trying to touch base…never the other way around. I live in Korea now and do you think that they ever contact me to see how I’m doing or to ask about what kinds of things I’m experiencing here? Nope. The reason why this hurts so much is because these are people whom I’ve actually been through a lot with in the past. Some were never really about anything and I just failed to see it but others are people who once cared or pretended to care about me.

#2- The ” Candidate” – We have all been in situations where we wanted to date someone and we were really feeling them but they just always gave off this vibe like they could take or leave you. WHY ARE YOU WASTING MY TIME?! You can sit on Kakaotalk and run your mouth for hours about what a great wingman you are for your friends but when I am going through something, you don’t even ask if I’m ok?  Or, you take 5 hours to respond to messages normally but if I send a message that is even remotely sexual, you are ON IT within minutes? Or, you spend hours a day talking to me but you can’t or won’t admit that you are even a little bit interested in me. ( Either you aren’t interested or you  think you are too cool to say so…either way, you are wasting my time!) I could spend an entire year of my life talking to a person like that and I would never move past the ” I guess we’ll just have to wait and see” stage because they are not worried about me. They just like to hear themselves talk.

So what I’m trying to say is that I want to surround myself with people who care. No more letting others come in and be heartless place holders. No more letting people occupy parts of my life and make no contribution and keep me from making a contribution in their lives. I have spent a lot of time in my short life trying to hold on to people who just didn’t really care. I was just something to do when they were bored or another friend on their friendslist. When it’s time to let go, it’s time to let go. My goal though, is to be able to recognize these people earlier so that I won’t have to let them go because I will not have allowed myself to get attached to them in the first place.


February 22, 2012 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , ,

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