Get Up & Grow

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop? "

A Lesson in Letting Go Pt.2

It seems as though lately I have had to do a lot of letting go. I’ve had to let go of people and also of faulty thinking and behavior. I will get to the people later because I want to focus right now on the thinking and behaviors that I am working to leave behind.

I will NOT sit at home in hopes of spending the evening flirting on Kakaotalk and eating junk food! I don’t know what it is about meeting someone that turns me into such a couch potato but I JUST got myself a social life and I’m not going to let go of it. I find myself feeling resentful because the men in my life have lives and stuff to do and that’s just childish and wrong. The issue here is that I want to be the most important part of someone’s life. I know that something like that takes time and that it needs to happen in a healthy way but for some reason, I still get impatient. I definitely have been the type of person that counts on others for my sense of self-worth and that’s not healthy at all.  At other times, I seem to be totally independent and confident and I’m having a hard time figuring out which is the real me.

I had lunch with someone yesterday and we had an interesting conversation about relationships and love. Much to my surprise, he was very open about his love life and told me that he’d fallen in love with someone soon after he got to Korea two years ago. They were together for 8 months before breaking up and he was heart-broken. Since then, he hasn’t wanted to date and go through all of that again. He also mentioned that this would be his last year in Korea because he wanted to move to Peru ( he has family there) and teach before pursuing a Master’s degree in Hispanic Literature. I started to talk about my tendency to rush…the fact that I can never seem to calm down enough to enjoy dating…and I always seem to be searching. I expressed my interest in changing those things and finding peace. His opinion was ” you can’t really change who you are though.” I respected that response…I even agreed to some extent.  I found myself thinking…I hear you talking but…you want me to believe that it wouldn’t bother you to know how I am, at this very moment, sizing you up? Deciding if you are boyfriend material even though this is only the second time we have hung out? ( Because that’s just what I do!)

Some people would say that I am just a hopeless romantic…some people would shake their heads in disgust and label me as desperate. I’m not sure that I’m as interested in labeling it as I am in changing it but then that brings me back around to the golden question: Can someone really change who they are or will the result just be the same product in different packaging?


April 8, 2012 - Posted by | Less than 3 | , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. I don’t think you’re desperate at all,as a hopeless romantic myself, I can relate to a lot of what you’ve written. Wish I could give you advice.

    Comment by Kenia | April 8, 2012 | Reply

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