Get Up & Grow

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop? "

Sail

I’ve decided to delete my teacher Facebook account. It’s just too much. I realized that I am depending on my former students to validate me. I am obsessing over the thought that their new teacher is better than me….that she is giving them all of the things that I couldn’t. I need to step back and take a deep breath…remember that it was ME that started that program and I did a hell of a job. I not only taught them about dance but I also made them want to be better people. I care about them. I was an amazing teacher to them.

So…getting off of there will make things better. If I’m not constantly looking at pictures from their latest show or thinking about what I’m missing out on, I can move forward. I will keep in touch via email but that’s about it. There is no reason for me to have one foot in my new world and one foot in the old one. I have to let go.

I think that part of the problem here is that when it comes to my new world…there is still so much that I don’t know. So much is still being decided and I really hate not knowing where I am going and what I ultimately want to do with myself. I know that it’s my dream to open a dance school but until that dream can happen…what will I do? I know that I don’t plan to teach English in public schools forever. University I could stand to do for a bit but…once I finish this counseling degree…what then? Will I go into counseling? Go for another degree? Hell, two weeks ago I was sure I wanted to change my program of study to TESOL and the only reason I didn’t was because I’m in the middle of a financial aid year. Then I decided that I will stick in there with counseling. It isn’t easy but I am genuinely interested in it. The thought of helping families and couples through therapy really appeals to me.

Here I am…I am finding that the closer I get to 30…the less I know about what I really want to do. This is a really scary place to be right now. I think that I need to let go of any notion that 30 is the magic number and that I must have everything figured out by then. I need to stop planning and start living.

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May 3, 2012 - Posted by | Affirmation | , , , , ,

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