Get Up & Grow

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop? "

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June 17, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | Enter your password to view comments.

Happiness on the Horizon

I think this is something that I’ve talked about before but it i still something that I am working on. It’s so easy to see happiness as the next step. What I mean is…we spend so much time thinking about how happy we will be once ( insert event) happens. At this moment, I am so focused on leaving my current school and getting a “fresh start” and I am not working to find my happiness in right now. I’ll admit, I love to dream about and plan for the future and most people do but what is lost is the ability to appreciate what is going on in our lives at this exact time. Ever since I got the job offer at my new school, I’ve done nothing but think about what my new apartment will look like…how I will decorate it…getting new utility accounts….teaching without a co-teacher…working evenings instead of days…etc. I have taught myself that until my current contract ends, I have no business being happy.

Happiness should not be something that is always just out of reach. Once this contract is up and I move into my new apartment in July…start my new job in August…there will be some other life event that I will be depending on for my happiness. That’s no way to live but…how does one focus on the joy in today? (Esp.when they do not like their current situation…) I think that’s something I might want to look into…read about…do some soul-searching about.

June 15, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , | Leave a comment

Just enjoy it!

Getting your hopes up and then failing or being let down is an awful feeling. The fear of failing sometimes keeps us from doing things that we are capable of doing or enjoying blessings that come our way.

Here’s to enjoying my blessings! I got offered a new job and I will be able to stay in my city. The people in the school are so much warmer and more respectful. They are jumping through hoops to get me in their school and it feels great. I get to pick my own apartment and I can move in as soon as I’m out of my current one. The school is going to give me a housing allowance so I can live closer to the main drag and the subway. They are also still going to furnish my place for me!

I’m still interviewing at other places until the contract is signed but…its pretty much a done deal. I get to stay near my friends and work in a supportive work environment. Can’t wait to go looking at apartments…and to decorate my new place!

I get a second chance!

June 8, 2012 Posted by | Affirmation | 3 Comments

You Can’t Hide

I remember being a teenager and deciding that by the age of 25, I would either be married or in a serious relationship and headed in the direction of marriage. I decided that by age 30, I would have my first child and I’d have the perfect career. At that time, I didn’t want to avoid growing up, I was looking forward to it.

As the years went by, I quickly discovered that things don’t always go as planned and I’d have to be flexible. 25 came and went and I’m still single. I will be 30 next March and there is no child. I think that as I came to understand that I wasn’t always going to get what I wanted out of adulthood, I stopping looking forward to it. It’s kind of like the child who is losing the game or not getting his/her way and all of a sudden doesn’t want to play anymore.

I have to work to support myself. Plain and simple, that’s the truth. I have yet to find that dream job and honestly, I don’t even know what exactly I want to do at this point. What I do know, is that I wake up 5 out of 5 work days dreading going to work. I’ve taken more than my share of sick days that were actually ” sick of work days”. This behavior has been tolerated up until now….not in Korea. I know find myself in a situation where my ” I don’t wanna” days are noticed and used against me. I’ve learned my lesson for sure and I’ve adopted¬† new attitude. Nobody said this thing was going to be easy. Nobody said that it was all fun and games. I have got to learn to get up and push through even when I really don’t want to.

I know that my attitude toward working in the past has been effected by my depression as well as the people around me. I’m not going to find a perfect work¬† place where nothing ever goes wrong and where people are always kind of considerate so I’m the one who has to change. I can’t let people who are really NON FACTORS have that much power over me.

As for the depression, I am also working on that. I refuse to go back on meds. I’d rather find a therapist because I have been working through this for almost a year without meds and I’ve made a lot of progress with it.

I don’t exactly know how I have made it this far without taking full responsibility for myself but it has to change NOW.

June 5, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | Leave a comment