Get Up & Grow

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop? "

You Can’t Hide

I remember being a teenager and deciding that by the age of 25, I would either be married or in a serious relationship and headed in the direction of marriage. I decided that by age 30, I would have my first child and I’d have the perfect career. At that time, I didn’t want to avoid growing up, I was looking forward to it.

As the years went by, I quickly discovered that things don’t always go as planned and I’d have to be flexible. 25 came and went and I’m still single. I will be 30 next March and there is no child. I think that as I came to understand that I wasn’t always going to get what I wanted out of adulthood, I stopping looking forward to it. It’s kind of like the child who is losing the game or not getting his/her way and all of a sudden doesn’t want to play anymore.

I have to work to support myself. Plain and simple, that’s the truth. I have yet to find that dream job and honestly, I don’t even know what exactly I want to do at this point. What I do know, is that I wake up 5 out of 5 work days dreading going to work. I’ve taken more than my share of sick days that were actually ” sick of work days”. This behavior has been tolerated up until now….not in Korea. I know find myself in a situation where my ” I don’t wanna” days are noticed and used against me. I’ve learned my lesson for sure and I’ve adopted¬† new attitude. Nobody said this thing was going to be easy. Nobody said that it was all fun and games. I have got to learn to get up and push through even when I really don’t want to.

I know that my attitude toward working in the past has been effected by my depression as well as the people around me. I’m not going to find a perfect work¬† place where nothing ever goes wrong and where people are always kind of considerate so I’m the one who has to change. I can’t let people who are really NON FACTORS have that much power over me.

As for the depression, I am also working on that. I refuse to go back on meds. I’d rather find a therapist because I have been working through this for almost a year without meds and I’ve made a lot of progress with it.

I don’t exactly know how I have made it this far without taking full responsibility for myself but it has to change NOW.

June 5, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | Leave a comment