Get Up & Grow

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop? "

You Can’t Hide

I remember being a teenager and deciding that by the age of 25, I would either be married or in a serious relationship and headed in the direction of marriage. I decided that by age 30, I would have my first child and I’d have the perfect career. At that time, I didn’t want to avoid growing up, I was looking forward to it.

As the years went by, I quickly discovered that things don’t always go as planned and I’d have to be flexible. 25 came and went and I’m still single. I will be 30 next March and there is no child. I think that as I came to understand that I wasn’t always going to get what I wanted out of adulthood, I stopping looking forward to it. It’s kind of like the child who is losing the game or not getting his/her way and all of a sudden doesn’t want to play anymore.

I have to work to support myself. Plain and simple, that’s the truth. I have yet to find that dream job and honestly, I don’t even know what exactly I want to do at this point. What I do know, is that I wake up 5 out of 5 work days dreading going to work. I’ve taken more than my share of sick days that were actually ” sick of work days”. This behavior has been tolerated up until now….not in Korea. I know find myself in a situation where my ” I don’t wanna” days are noticed and used against me. I’ve learned my lesson for sure and I’ve adopted  new attitude. Nobody said this thing was going to be easy. Nobody said that it was all fun and games. I have got to learn to get up and push through even when I really don’t want to.

I know that my attitude toward working in the past has been effected by my depression as well as the people around me. I’m not going to find a perfect work  place where nothing ever goes wrong and where people are always kind of considerate so I’m the one who has to change. I can’t let people who are really NON FACTORS have that much power over me.

As for the depression, I am also working on that. I refuse to go back on meds. I’d rather find a therapist because I have been working through this for almost a year without meds and I’ve made a lot of progress with it.

I don’t exactly know how I have made it this far without taking full responsibility for myself but it has to change NOW.

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June 5, 2012 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , ,

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