Get Up & Grow

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop? "

Computer Love…The Men I Attract

I’m a little annoyed at the moment…not gonna lie. I use this website called Korean Cupid to meet new people and I’m starting to think that all of the people on there are really just variations of the same 2 or 3 types. So, I wanted to take a minute to rant about this because I’m tired of seeing the same thing over and over again.

First, I seem to attract a lot of older men. I get so many messages from men who are in their 40s, 50s, and beyond. I am a very open-minded person but I am not interested in dating someone that much older than me. I even gave a guy in his 40s a chance since I’ve been here and came face to face with issues that I didn’t think I’d have to deal with at this stage of life. (No really…I don’t want to hear about your enlarged prostate and the problems it causes…) I would like to date someone who is in their late 20s or their 30s.

There are also a lot of liars online. If I talk to one more person who has photoshopped their pictures or who posted pictures from 10 years ago, I’m going to scream! These people talk to you for a period of time and then send their real pictures…of what they really look like right now. Stop lying about your appearance…your age…your job…just stop lying about everything! I would especially appreciate if you would stop posing as someone who is really looking to date and get to know someone when all you are trying to do is jump in the sack, you nasty pasty! If you are going to try to be slick about it, at least read my profile and make it look like you are interested in something other than what size bra I wear, asshat!

White guys are very popular here….most Koreans find White people to be dazzlingly beautiful no matter what they really look like.  White men here can pretty much take their pick and that’s not just my perspective…I have actually talked to plenty of them and asked about their experience. That’s fine but if you are a white guy who, handsome or not, is getting more vag that you can handle, get off of the dating sites claiming to be completely lonely and sad. This really goes to men of any race who are getting more vag than they can handle and pretending to be lonely but I honestly don’t think that anyone here can pull ’em like White Americans and Europeans…because that’s what’s considered beautiful here. C’mon…you expect me to believe that you are lonely when you can’t even walk down the street with your blue eyes and British accent without being mobbed by Korean women? It’s one thing if you aren’t attracted to Korean women but…that brings me to my next point.

I know that everyone has their preferences and that’s cool but…it doesn’t really look that great when you write this long bio about how you want someone open-minded or even about how open-minded you are and then you specify that you only want Asian women who weigh less than 114 pounds. It kills me when these people talk about how open they are and then have so many strict rules about who is acceptable and who isn’t.

I understand that people think that foreigners are just so cool and all that but I honestly don’t want someone to befriend me or try to date me just because I’m American. I want them to come around because they liked what I had to say on my profile and thought I was attractive. ( BOTH of those things) I can’t tell you how many times I have talked to people and they have no idea what my profile said other than American. Even if that’s what you are all about…at least have to decency to act like you are interested in me as a person when the topic comes up!

Then there is my old standby complaint…your profile declares for everyone to see that you are “LOOKING FOR A FUN AND NICE GIRL”. What do you look like at 35 years old talking about how you are looking for a girl?

If I say that I’m not interested for whatever reason…back the hell off! Do not keep contacting me and do not start calling me names and saying bad things about me. Just to let you know…I’m actually not a “Black bitch” just because I didn’t want to go out with you. I have the right to say no and if I’m nice about it, move along. I don’t have to be nice about it…especially when I pick up on some strange vibes and behaviors and figure out that you are a complete Creeper McCreeperson. I’m not the type that takes that as permission to treat you like less than human but if you start acting out like a child…you will not like the response you get back from me. I promise.

Ok….ok…I feel better now. These are some things that I really hate about internet dating sites but they can also be a lot of fun and I have met some pretty interesting people there. Sometimes I wonder if everyone there ( including me) is damaged goods in some way but I think that we all get lonely and being on a site like that doesn’t mean that we are losers or creepers.

April 26, 2012 Posted by | Bitching, Less than 3 | , , , | 2 Comments

Cry

I am more determined than even to learn Korean and to be effective in my English teaching methods.  I have a student in the 5th grade whom I knew from the start had special needs. She is in the regular 5th grade classroom though she doesn’t really participate or communicate with others. Yesterday, her class group was rushing her to finish an assignment so that they could get points for being the first to finish. They are never the first to finish and that’s because she rarely finishes at all.

So suddenly, she starts to cry and the co-teacher takes her aside as I continue class. She offered to be there for her when she needed it but she was not at all interested in what other people could offer her….except that she said that she wanted her friends to kill her. This 5th grader has expressed that she would like for her life to end and nobody is doing anything about it.

I started asking questions and trying to figure something out. Was there something that she was interested in that we could get her involved in? The co-teacher explained that because of her special needs, her parents had run away and left her with her grandmother. They didn’t have a lot of money so she couldn’t afford to go to any academy after school and most days she sat here at school with her home room teacher after school. My heart was broken.

I asked again if there was something that she was interested in…what could we do for her? My co-teacher said that they only person she showed any interest in was me. She’d mentioned that she liked me and wanted to talk to me but she couldn’t speak English.

Wow….just when you think you have nothing real to offer….when you think that nobody cares…just wow. Before I leave this school, I will have a conversation with her…in Korean…English…I don’t care. I will connect with this girl. Nobody else is trying to do anything to help her but I will.

April 24, 2012 Posted by | Affirmation, Less than 3 | , , , , , | 4 Comments

If it ain’t broken…

I wish I could go back in time and set things back the way they were. I was perfectly happy with that and then I let things go too far. Not every opportunity is a good one for me and I need to remember that.

April 22, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Digging

I am seriously tired of constantly having people undermine me at work. It happens in a variety of ways. Sometimes, I decide what we will do next in class and the other teacher decides she wants to veto the idea. Other times, I give a punishment for unacceptable behavior or ask a student not to do something and she goes behind me and changes things. I am not used to teaching with another person and I even if I were, I’m pretty sure that’s not what the relationship should be like.

Honestly, I feel like there is jealousy at play here. It’s like…I come in here from America (which they think is just THE PLACE.)  with my teaching experience and my Masters degree. I think that they sometimes feel threatened by me and then they feel like they have to make up for that or prove themselves by stepping all over my feet in class. It’s getting really really old.

I feel like what I do here is not teaching. I’m just entertaining. The students are not expected to be responsible for themselves or their learning. If they can’t do it…nobody makes them try. For example, in a 6th grade class today, I asked the students not to share their papers with each other but to verbally help each other get to the answer. There was one student struggling and what did she do? She takes the paper of one student and puts it in front of the struggling student for him to copy. I told her ” I just asked them not to do that” and her answer was ” Yeah but…he can’t do it. He barely knows the alphabet.”  OK…..so we don’t make him try? We just give him the answers? How about we make Enrichment classes mandatory for students like him instead of letting in a bunch of students who already know the material and just want to hang out in here?

Why translate every little thing that comes out of my mouth? That’s the reason why the 6th graders don’t listen when I speak…because they know you will just tell them what I said anyway. How is that teaching them listening skills in English?

The positive side? I only have to be here until July. Then I will move on to a place where I will appreciated and where I will actually TEACH. If that means moving to another country…so be it. I will keep my options completely open and let life take me where it will. I am sick of feeling unappreciated and disrespected.

April 20, 2012 Posted by | Bitching | , , , | 1 Comment

Fall into Me

There has been something on my mind lately…

I want to be a safety net. I know that sounds kind of dumb but I have come to realize that it’s exactly what I crave. I find myself getting so hurt when I find out about something that a friend is going through AFTER the fact. I have had friendships end because the other person just refuses to talk to me about whatever is going on in their life from day-to-day. If you want to call me your friend…why can’t you talk to me? Why do I have to find out from someone or somewhere else that you are having a hard time or that something great happened to you? I want to be there to help you bounce back or to celebrate with you…why is it that I get locked out?

I am turning into my Father. When I was younger, I just couldn’t understand why he was so bothered by the fact that I was growing up and could do things on my own. Sometimes I saw it as an attempt to control me…but now I see it for what it really is. My Father wants to be a safety net. Hell, he IS and always has been my safety net. Now that I am older, I’ve come to understand what is really happening. I’m not trying to control anyone or be nosey. I simply want to do what a friend should do and when they keep me from doing so, I’m hurt. I take it as an attack on our friendship.

I’m not always the easiest person to talk to but I have never turned a friend away or made them feel small because they were going through something. I don’t downplay their success either.

I will just have to accept that people aren’t always going to look to me for advice. I’m not always going to be the first person they go to with great news. I don’t have to understand it…I simply have to accept it in order to control my emotional responses.

April 17, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , | Leave a comment

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April 15, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | Enter your password to view comments.

I Expect A Lot…

In the past, when someone has accused me of “expecting a lot”,  I have quickly taken offense and denied it. I saw it as them judging me and that was not something that I could deal with. I think I’m at a point now where I can admit that I do expect a hell of a lot from people….especially those I date. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that either. If I’m going to try to be the best person I can be and to deal with them in a way that is pleasant and fair…why not expect the very same from them in return? There are many things that I realize that I expect from people but they are also things that I expect from myself when I am dealing with them. Do I sometimes fall short? Yes…and so will they but that effort is what matters and lets me know that they actually give a damn. So here are some examples of things that I expect from others.

– If a person is going to make me a part of their life, I expect to be treated like I matter. If I don’t matter…don’t be fake and pretend that I’m a real part of your life. Don’t make me someone to talk to when you are bored or someone to go out with when you have nothing to do. I don’t let just anyone into my life and neither should you. If someone is there, they should have a purpose or a place.  Take an interest in who I am and what I like and actively try to get to know me. Don’t treat me like I’m just one of many options. See me for who I am…the one and only original ME.

-I expect for people to take responsibility for their actions and words. I used to be the type of person who always had some great excuse as to why I was acting a certain way and it usually involved me pointing a finger in someone else’s direction. It’s easy to do and of course I’m human and sometimes I still do it. The older I get though, the better I am becoming at identifying patterns in my behavior and their effects on others. This is something that I wish for everyone else too. I can admit when I’m being difficult and I can usually figure out why. I expect for other people to take more responsibility.

-Respect me as a person! Do not make assumptions about who I am because of my gender or my skin color. I guarantee you that women are not the only ones with emotions and some of us are capable of controlling them. Do not assume that because at any given time I disagree with you, it’s because I’m on my period. Please be advised that I am not going to launch myself into a neck rolling, finger-snapping frenzy when I am angry. (Believe it or not, Black women don’t all have attitudes.) You don’t have to comment about how articulate I am as if it’s some kind of surprise. I’m a 29 year old, educated woman. I’m not going to be ghetto and obnoxious just because I have brown skin. Stop acting surprised because I listen to music other than hip-hop and R&B and speak languages other than English. Respect me enough to avoid doing/saying things that you know hurt me or make me angry because I’m going to do the very same for you!

-Be yourself! There is nothing worse than dealing with a person whom you feel is not being completely honest about who they are. Ok, so you aren’t rich, trendy, or ripped…some of us don’t care about those things. If I start out not knowing the real you, we don’t really have a chance at all. I’m going to be who I am. ( I’m still working on not being so apologetic about some of the aspects of being who I am but….I’m me nonetheless.)

-Express yourself! If you feel something, say so! This doesn’t just mean telling me that you like me….I also want to know if you have doubts, fears,etc. If you have a problem with me or something I’ve done/said….let me know. I have found that in the past I have missed many opportunities because I just didn’t speak up. I have also seen that holding on to issues and fears can come back to blow up in your face when you are unwilling to get them out on the table. They never really go away unless you confront them.

Ok so my brain just shut off…must be on a timer. I’m sure I will think of some more things later.

Feed your faith and starve your fears….

~Bee

April 14, 2012 Posted by | Affirmation, Bitching, Less than 3 | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Colors

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In Beginning Enrichment, we are learning about colors. We can identify colors and say ” It’s blue” or “It’s red”,etc. We can also read the names of the colors.

April 13, 2012 Posted by | Click | , , , , | Leave a comment

Election Day

Yesterday was a great day. I decided to go out to Ganghwa island with some friends. I love the feeling I get from hanging out with people. I love feeling like part of the group for a change. We laughed so much…took pictures…ate wonderful Vietnamese food. I’m so glad that I didn’t stay at home for the day because I would have missed out on so much.

I’m learning about how awesome I really can be. I look at the person I am when I am around these people and I’m actually really impressed. It isn’t like I become someone different around other people…it’s just that I am able to fully express myself and show my personality. I’m a pretty fun person!

The date was good the night before. I thought that it would be all awkward but it really wasn’t. He looked amazing in the button down shirt he was wearing and it’s so strange how I am looking at him in a different light. He asks me out and all of a sudden I see him differently because I’ve given myself permission. I’m enjoying this but I hope to take things slowly. I don’t want to end up in any uncomfortable situations and I also want to continue to be fun around him. I don’t want to take things too seriously and start thinking too much.

 

Purp and I enjoying the view on Ganghwa Island.

April 12, 2012 Posted by | Click, Less than 3 | , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Line…and When is it Ok to Cross it Again?

I have this friend…we will call him Purp. ( I really hate posts that start that way but oh well…) Purp and I met on Facebook when I joined a page for foreigners living close to my area. As soon as I introduced myself and said that I was looking to ” get a social life”, he responded asking what I like to do. Ever since then, he and I have seen each other every weekend. I know what you are thinking and it isn’t anything romantic…I think. Well it didn’t start out that way. We are always hanging out with groups of people…mostly people he knows. We have never been out alone.

Recently, this friend of mine asked if I would be interested in hanging out alone….a date, he added at the end. I was shocked because I had no idea that he thought of me that way. I guess that’s a good thing though because I hate for a man to act like a horny dog from the beginning. He and I have started a great friendship and he reminds me so much of the people I called my closest friends in high school. So, I agreed to go out with him tonight but I’m feeling so many things at this point.

1. Excitement! Hanging out with Purp is always a great time and I’m always excited to see him. I’m also excited because he treats me like a friend…a lady…someone to be respected. I never feel like he is looking at me with lust in his heart.

2. Fear! What happens if this doesn’t work out? What if one or both of us is uncomfortable? How do you go back to being friends and forget about that one night when you tried to be more? That’s scary! I know people are always using the lame excuse that they don’t want to ruin a great friendship but I REALLY feel that way. If I lose this person’s friendship, I will be crushed.

3. Curiosity! No really…what happens if it doesn’t work out? Does he become SuperCockBlockMan when we hang out from now on? He doesn’t seem like the jealous type and I don’t think he would turn into a jerk if we didn’t end up dating and I met someone else while I was out with him in the future. There is always that possibility though…I just wonder what he will be like from here forward.

So I have also been thinking about this other situation. If someone tells you that they want you to “follow your heart” when it comes to someone else…does that mean exactly that or is that a nice way of saying ” I don’t give two shits what you do” ? Conversations come less frequently and some things have changed. I get the feeling that we have both stopped caring a little and that’s fine. Once I start seeing someone as an emotional threat…I slow down on trying to pursue them. Nobody is perfect but there are certain places that I just don’t want to put myself.  Call me a coward…I’ll be that.

April 10, 2012 Posted by | Less than 3 | , , , | Leave a comment