Get Up & Grow

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop? "

Pity Party

Everyone needs to have a pity party from time to time. I find that when I get down low enough to have one, I end up finding the strength from somewhere to pick myself back up and continue. Yesterday felt messed up but then I realized how healthy it actually was. Just like we talked about in my Group Counseling class….conflict doesn’t always have to be negative and you have to work through it. In this case, it was a conflict with myself and I’d say that I’m working through it rather than around it. However, I still couldn’t talk myself into going to work today.

I’ve realized that I need a plan…not one that is so tight that I don’t have room for detours but…I need to figure out what I want from this life and start conducting myself accordingly. Obviously teaching…or maybe just the environments in which I’ve been teaching…is not meeting my needs. I cared deeply about what I was doing in the States and the kids I taught and basically I burned myself out. Now, I’m at the other end of the scale and I find that I really don’t care much about what I do now. I don’t care to get to know the kids personally. I don’t care about going to school everyday. I don’t care about anything other than proving to my colleagues  that I am capable.

I have a long while before I will be finished with the degree that I’m currently working on. I figured out that I will finish my course work in July or August of 2014 and then my pre-practicum and 4 sections of practicum start. So we are looking at 2015 before I’m finished. Once I’m finished, will I want to start a career in counseling or not? I am deeply interested in Counseling so I think that it is a real possibility. I also think that a career in counseling could possibly offer me more flexibility than teaching. Because of my personality and the nature of my own emotional and psychological challenges, I need a field where I can have some flexibility.

Educational Administration is something that I got a Masters in and knew from the start that I didn’t want to be an administrator. I just wanted a Masters in Education that gave me the option of moving up the ladder if I wanted to. The only way that I would consider being a school administrator is if I were working in a school with a Fine Arts signature or if I could go into a situation like in AZ where they hire an assistant principal for all areas. ( Instruction, Registration, Student Opportunities,etc) I would want to be the Assistant Principal of Student Opportunities so that I could work with athletics, The Arts, and Community events. I think that it would be nice to have someone in that position who is not an ex-athlete for once and have someone who actually has a background in the Arts. So many times, these administrators favor the athletics teams over the Arts and I wouldn’t want to favor anyone over anyone else. I would want to do the job so that I could help everyone understand that what they do is important and that athletics and Arts can co-exist without drama.

One question keeps popping into my mind as I think about the steps I have already taken and the steps I’m considering. How does all of this fit into my biggest long-term goal…my real dream…my Arts academy? Before it was a dance school but I think that I would really love a place where students could specialize in Dance, Theater, Tech Theater, Visual Art, Vocal music, or Instrumental music. I think that by giving myself all of these options for careers, I am creating the stability that I will need in order to start planning my academy. I will need to get myself straightened out financially before I can even consider starting any plans.

People are always standing on the outside looking in and telling me how much I’ve accomplished and how prepared I am but…to me…I feel like I’m stuck at square one.


May 14, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | Leave a comment


I am more determined than even to learn Korean and to be effective in my English teaching methods.  I have a student in the 5th grade whom I knew from the start had special needs. She is in the regular 5th grade classroom though she doesn’t really participate or communicate with others. Yesterday, her class group was rushing her to finish an assignment so that they could get points for being the first to finish. They are never the first to finish and that’s because she rarely finishes at all.

So suddenly, she starts to cry and the co-teacher takes her aside as I continue class. She offered to be there for her when she needed it but she was not at all interested in what other people could offer her….except that she said that she wanted her friends to kill her. This 5th grader has expressed that she would like for her life to end and nobody is doing anything about it.

I started asking questions and trying to figure something out. Was there something that she was interested in that we could get her involved in? The co-teacher explained that because of her special needs, her parents had run away and left her with her grandmother. They didn’t have a lot of money so she couldn’t afford to go to any academy after school and most days she sat here at school with her home room teacher after school. My heart was broken.

I asked again if there was something that she was interested in…what could we do for her? My co-teacher said that they only person she showed any interest in was me. She’d mentioned that she liked me and wanted to talk to me but she couldn’t speak English.

Wow….just when you think you have nothing real to offer….when you think that nobody cares…just wow. Before I leave this school, I will have a conversation with her…in Korean…English…I don’t care. I will connect with this girl. Nobody else is trying to do anything to help her but I will.

April 24, 2012 Posted by | Affirmation, Less than 3 | , , , , , | 4 Comments

Google Generation

“Umm i dont understand why people always dissing on hoes or prostitude i did some..research about virgin mary and she was one too…”

“”Ivy Blue is Beyonce and Jay z’s daughter I.V.Y = Illuminati’s Very Youngest B.L.U.E = Born Living Under Evil Spelt Backwards (Eulb Yvi) = Latin for”Lucifers Daughter” ….. That’s Fucking Crazy….”

These are some of the status updates from former students of mine. These students are still in high school in Arizona and I seriously worry about the state of education there.  These kids believe everything they see on Google when they type something in! They have no concept of what it is to do research with BOOKS instead of Wikipedia. I absolutely LOVE technology but I’m also glad that I learned how to write and do research properly before all of this technology completely took over. That needs to still be a priority in the classroom and it’s part of the reason that I did weekly journals in my class. The kids were always complaining that it was a dance class and there shouldn’t be any writing but I saw their writing improve! NOW they understand!

Here is an update that I posted in response to all of the nonsense I was seeing:

“Please ladies and gentlemen…..don’t accept everything you see on TV or the internet as the truth! Do your own research somewhere other than Google! Pick up a BOOK…you know…that thing with the paper sticking out of it that has words on it. If you are going to search the internet, use sources that are scholarly….like University websites and library databases. Start there….not Wikipedia or anywhere else where people can post whatever they want even if it’s not true. When you google stuff, over half of what you find will be someone’s personal opinion. Make informed decisions and comments…do not just believe the first thing that pops up!”

It blew my mind when I was living there to hear that there were students in our school who:

a) Didn’t know their left from right

b) Couldn’t self address an envelope because they didn’t know where to put the information OR they didn’t know their home address

c) Didn’t know the difference between they’re/their/there or your/you’re or right/write

d) Didn’t know the names of their teachers even after being in their classes for months

Here is another status update that I made in response to the spelling I saw on some pages:

” Hey guys? Let’s talk for a second…
There- a place or to exist ” I want to go there” or ” There is a party down the street”
Their- ownership ” They were shaking their butts”
They’re- They + are ” They’re going to close early for the holidays”
Your- Ownership- ” I really like your hair”
You’re- You+Are ” You’re really getting on my nerves!”
Right- The opposite of left or correct ” Turn right at t…he corner” or ” Your answer was right”….It’s not what you do with a pen or pencil on paper.I want you HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE STUDENTS to try harder with these things because in the real world, they don’t except proposals, contracts, paper,etc written in poor English or texting language.
So u juss gotta l3t all dis kinda stuff go…. at some point. ( And stop adding extra Es to everything…that’s just annoying! (AF)”

There were a few students who had graduated who commented on this status to say that I was right and that they were having to completely change the way they wrote because they were now in college or working. I want to be able to teach them these things BEFORE they get into a situation where they absolutely HAVE TO change.  That way, the transition is not so hard.
Sometimes I wonder what this world is going to be like once the Google Generation takes over. It’s a scary thought and I don’t say that as a put down to them but it’s true. I think that in places like Arizona, the educational system has failed them…a lot of the parents have failed them…and they have not worked up to their full potential because of laziness and priority problems….which comes back around to the parents.
Thinking about this makes me want to finish this Admin certificate and go back to the States to kick some butt…it’s something that I am considering since I am only one 45 hour course away from being able to get certified in the state of AZ. I think that from an admin position, I have the opportunity to reach out in so many directions: to students, teachers, parents, government,etc.  I think it’s time to really think about this.

January 11, 2012 Posted by | Bitching | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment