Get Up & Grow

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop? "

Digging

I am seriously tired of constantly having people undermine me at work. It happens in a variety of ways. Sometimes, I decide what we will do next in class and the other teacher decides she wants to veto the idea. Other times, I give a punishment for unacceptable behavior or ask a student not to do something and she goes behind me and changes things. I am not used to teaching with another person and I even if I were, I’m pretty sure that’s not what the relationship should be like.

Honestly, I feel like there is jealousy at play here. It’s like…I come in here from America (which they think is just THE PLACE.)  with my teaching experience and my Masters degree. I think that they sometimes feel threatened by me and then they feel like they have to make up for that or prove themselves by stepping all over my feet in class. It’s getting really really old.

I feel like what I do here is not teaching. I’m just entertaining. The students are not expected to be responsible for themselves or their learning. If they can’t do it…nobody makes them try. For example, in a 6th grade class today, I asked the students not to share their papers with each other but to verbally help each other get to the answer. There was one student struggling and what did she do? She takes the paper of one student and puts it in front of the struggling student for him to copy. I told her ” I just asked them not to do that” and her answer was ” Yeah but…he can’t do it. He barely knows the alphabet.”  OK…..so we don’t make him try? We just give him the answers? How about we make Enrichment classes mandatory for students like him instead of letting in a bunch of students who already know the material and just want to hang out in here?

Why translate every little thing that comes out of my mouth? That’s the reason why the 6th graders don’t listen when I speak…because they know you will just tell them what I said anyway. How is that teaching them listening skills in English?

The positive side? I only have to be here until July. Then I will move on to a place where I will appreciated and where I will actually TEACH. If that means moving to another country…so be it. I will keep my options completely open and let life take me where it will. I am sick of feeling unappreciated and disrespected.

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April 20, 2012 Posted by | Bitching | , , , | 1 Comment

I Expect A Lot…

In the past, when someone has accused me of “expecting a lot”,  I have quickly taken offense and denied it. I saw it as them judging me and that was not something that I could deal with. I think I’m at a point now where I can admit that I do expect a hell of a lot from people….especially those I date. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that either. If I’m going to try to be the best person I can be and to deal with them in a way that is pleasant and fair…why not expect the very same from them in return? There are many things that I realize that I expect from people but they are also things that I expect from myself when I am dealing with them. Do I sometimes fall short? Yes…and so will they but that effort is what matters and lets me know that they actually give a damn. So here are some examples of things that I expect from others.

– If a person is going to make me a part of their life, I expect to be treated like I matter. If I don’t matter…don’t be fake and pretend that I’m a real part of your life. Don’t make me someone to talk to when you are bored or someone to go out with when you have nothing to do. I don’t let just anyone into my life and neither should you. If someone is there, they should have a purpose or a place.  Take an interest in who I am and what I like and actively try to get to know me. Don’t treat me like I’m just one of many options. See me for who I am…the one and only original ME.

-I expect for people to take responsibility for their actions and words. I used to be the type of person who always had some great excuse as to why I was acting a certain way and it usually involved me pointing a finger in someone else’s direction. It’s easy to do and of course I’m human and sometimes I still do it. The older I get though, the better I am becoming at identifying patterns in my behavior and their effects on others. This is something that I wish for everyone else too. I can admit when I’m being difficult and I can usually figure out why. I expect for other people to take more responsibility.

-Respect me as a person! Do not make assumptions about who I am because of my gender or my skin color. I guarantee you that women are not the only ones with emotions and some of us are capable of controlling them. Do not assume that because at any given time I disagree with you, it’s because I’m on my period. Please be advised that I am not going to launch myself into a neck rolling, finger-snapping frenzy when I am angry. (Believe it or not, Black women don’t all have attitudes.) You don’t have to comment about how articulate I am as if it’s some kind of surprise. I’m a 29 year old, educated woman. I’m not going to be ghetto and obnoxious just because I have brown skin. Stop acting surprised because I listen to music other than hip-hop and R&B and speak languages other than English. Respect me enough to avoid doing/saying things that you know hurt me or make me angry because I’m going to do the very same for you!

-Be yourself! There is nothing worse than dealing with a person whom you feel is not being completely honest about who they are. Ok, so you aren’t rich, trendy, or ripped…some of us don’t care about those things. If I start out not knowing the real you, we don’t really have a chance at all. I’m going to be who I am. ( I’m still working on not being so apologetic about some of the aspects of being who I am but….I’m me nonetheless.)

-Express yourself! If you feel something, say so! This doesn’t just mean telling me that you like me….I also want to know if you have doubts, fears,etc. If you have a problem with me or something I’ve done/said….let me know. I have found that in the past I have missed many opportunities because I just didn’t speak up. I have also seen that holding on to issues and fears can come back to blow up in your face when you are unwilling to get them out on the table. They never really go away unless you confront them.

Ok so my brain just shut off…must be on a timer. I’m sure I will think of some more things later.

Feed your faith and starve your fears….

~Bee

April 14, 2012 Posted by | Affirmation, Bitching, Less than 3 | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Sexed up

I just returned from Malaysia and Singapore and I was really surprised at the way that Black women ( Black Americans and Africans) were treated by the men there. There was a lot of staring at certain body parts, suggestive comments, etc. I spent most of my time trying to make sure that I was fully covered because it bothered me so much. I don’t like being treated like an object on display. The person traveling with me seemed to think that the blame fell on just the African women ( not the Black Americans) living there because of the way they were dressed and the way they carried themselves. I’m not so sure about that. What is it about Black women that makes us targets of this kind of treatment? I understand that women as a whole are objectified but I noticed that in these areas, only the African and Black American women were treated this way. Also, I definitely think that a lot of people have preconceived notions about Black women sexually. Is it mostly media or are we actually helping to keep the stereotypes going in our everyday lives? What do you think?

February 2, 2012 Posted by | Bitching | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Step

Sit.Spin.And be on your way.

I want you to understand that I am the kind of person who can decide right now that I’m done with you and never look back. I am the kind of person who only has to be disrespected or annoyed once and I can just walk away.
Respect me….see me for what and who I am…or prepare to be forgotten.

November 16, 2011 Posted by | Bitching | , , , | Leave a comment