Get Up & Grow

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop? "

They always want to know why…

I switched off my profile on that dating site and I did so without that uneasy feeling that you get when you know you are doing something you’ll regret later. I will go back to it at another time…when I’m in a better place that is more conducive to dating. I hate how they always want to ask you two or three times to explain why you are leaving the site. There are only so many ways that you can say ” I just want to enjoy being single!”

A friend of mine sent their wedding pictures to me this morning and I really enjoyed looking at them. I had no idea she was so creative. The wedding and reception were very simple but elegant. I really loved her ideas! It was the first time that I was able to look at wedding pictures and changed marital status posts without feeling jealous or sorry for myself. I felt nothing other than awe at the things she was able to do with her wedding. I told her that if I got married I would love to hear her ideas.

I said IF not because ” it isn’t looking good” or because I think there is a possibility that I won’t find someone for me….I said IF because I have a choice.

I love these moments of clarity and I never really know how long they will last. I am enjoying this! I’m in Korea! I am about to take an 18 day trip to Malaysia and Singapore! There are things to explore and experience and I’ve been too busy being miserable to get out there!  I’m about to pick up this damn camera that I paid so much money for and get it poppin’.

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January 7, 2012 Posted by | Affirmation | , , , , | Leave a comment

5 Great Things About Being Single

I bet you never thought you’d see a post like this coming from me! I’m  a little surprised myself but earlier I was thinking about this and thought I would share.

So….this list represents some of the things that I dislike about dating and turns them into positive things about staying single. ( Same concept with a more positive twist I think!)

5) You don’t have to feel guilty about having a life. If you are a workaholic or you like to spend a lot of time out on the town with your friends, that’s ok! You don’t have to feel like you must check in or spend a specific amount of time with someone. ( Although, if you really like/love them enough to be in a relationship, you should WANT to spend time with them!) On the other side of this, you don’t have to feel guilty for wanting more attention from a BF or GF.  I find that I am usually on that side of it….making someone feel guilty for having a life. There’s no checking your messages to see that the message you sent has been read and then wondering why the person is not replying. No wondering where he/she is and if they even care that you are missing them.

4) There are no arguments that cause you to lose sleep or feel bad for any period of time. You don’t have to worry about not seeing eye to eye. There’s no pressure to be with someone who has the same views on marriage, children, or really anything for that matter. There’s no going into work the next day in a pissy mood because you had a fight with your GF/BF the night before.

3) It gives you time to focus on yourself. You can figure out who you are outside of a relationship. You are more than just ________’s girlfriend or ________’s ex.When you are single, it’s a great time to learn to do things on your own and enjoy it.  Find out what you like and what you don’t like rather than what you are willing to tolerate for the sake of your relationship. ( which leads into my next point….)

2)  You can live your life  your way without apology and without compromise. Even when you are in a relationship with someone who is not totally bossy, you will find yourself doing things to please them even if you don’t want to do them. Sometimes this means wearing certain things that they like or styling your hair a certain way. They might have some pet peeves or habits that you don’t understand and then you feel pressured to make them comfortable even if it may make you uncomfortable. (And that sometimes leads to resentment!)  For me, this means being able to let my dog sleep in the bed with me without a big issue, wearing what makes me comfortable instead of feeling like I have to wear heels and a skirt to please someone else, skipping the make up, being a homebody, etc.

1) You don’t have to worry about being hurt. Even when it’s unintentional, it really sucks to be hurt by the one you love. There are so many ways that a bf/gf can potentially hurt you. Lying, not trusting you, taking you for granted, hiding your relationship, and making you feel inadequate are just a few painful things. It is nice not having to worry about the behavior of another person. No matter how long you are with someone there are going to be times when you will hurt them and they will hurt you. Working through those times is part of what being in a relationship is about.

For a lot of people, being free to mingle would be part of the list. I just don’t see it that way.  I see a relationship as an opportunity to love someone and let them love me. To me, that’s much better than being free to carry on with a bunch of other people. ( And have I mentioned that I really HATE the beginning states of dating?!)

I think that I would still love to be in a relationship but I think that at this point, I am more willing to wait for the right person because…if I’m going to put in the work involved with a healthy relationship, it’s not going to be for someone who isn’t right for me.  I am starting to see the perks of being single. Do I want to stay this way for a long time? No. But I do think that I could benefit from it if I can see the positive side rather than being in a funk because I don’t have a man.

January 6, 2012 Posted by | Affirmation, Bitching, Less than 3 | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Protected: Ohana means family….family means no one gets left behind….Pt.1

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December 8, 2011 Posted by | Affirmation | , , , , , | Enter your password to view comments.