Get Up & Grow

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop? "

When?!

I am getting no closer to writing this book. I have a few pages scribbled into a random notebook and a few more pages on both PCs. *sigh* From the outside looking it, it would appear that I don’t care about this at all. But I know I do…I perk up every time I see a blog about self-publishing…I get the urge to write and make notes and be creative. What’s the problem?

I think that I need a time and space to devote to writing. Everyday, I should go to a specific space at a specific time and write. ( Even if I don’t feel like it….even if I’m tired…even if I have a headache.) There are very few things that I absolutely MAKE myself do no matter what. Maybe I should start.

So, I decide a couple of months ago that a novel was a bit much for me at this time. I want to take things one step at a time and start with a short story. I definitely wouldn’t mind having my short story selling on Kindles everywhere for 99 cents. Hey, it’s a start and it would make me very happy.

I have read so many novels like the one I want to write. Paranormal romance and romance in general is all I read and I just find myself thinking ” How in the hell could I ever write something this wonderful?” I mean, my favorite authors make me feel so many things! Can I actually write something that is that great? Something that other people can relate to? Something they will love and want more of?

Doubt and fear…that’s what it boils down to. I know all of the published authors that I talk to always say to write without fear but that’s so much easier said than done! I’m told to just write and not to even read it over until later. Make corrections and changes later…for now, just get what you want to say out.

Ok…I think I can do that…

May 8, 2012 Posted by | iWrite | , , , , , , | 3 Comments

I want to WRITE!

I want this novel. I want it so badly that I can taste it. The problem is that I am way too intimidated by the thought of writing it and it’s getting in the way of any efforts that I make to get started. Perhaps I should have faced this issue before getting on FB and shouting from the mountain top that I was going to be writing my first novel.

The advice from successful authors is helping. Thinking about that person that I know who published the first of a 3 book series recently is helping. ( Again, mostly because I read some of the book and it’s really not great and I feel like if she can do it, I can too!) I think that even if I just started out writing a Kindle novella or something like that…it would give me the confidence I need to write something a little longer and perhaps to publish in print. Funny how publishing a Kindle book seems to be less of a big deal…but it’s HUGE in reality.

My concepts for the novel have change again and again and again. I really love the opening that I adapted from a short story but once I got past that…there was nothing. I couldn’t even decide if I wanted to add a paranormal twist to the story ( vampires) or not. I guess I just have paranormal romance on my brain because that’s what I read all of the time. I’m telling myself that because I read so much of it, I should be able to crank out a quality story in no time. (NOT FAIR!)

I want to write this novel and have it turn into a series like what happened to that person I know. I want to become all serious and dedicated like the aspiring writers that I know. They eat, sleep, and breathe writing! I find that I have trouble being that dedicated to anything these days.  I’m going to have to dig deep, push my insecurities aside, and just push through. There is absolutely nothing wrong with reading and reworking what I’ve written. I think that’s where I started to get frustrated this last time. Like I said…it’s really helping to read about successful authors and to know that they do the same things. They rework….they are hard on themselves…they decide after they have started that they want to throw it out and start over, etc.

But, ultimately, I know one thing. There is a reason that this keeps coming back to me and that I can’t fully shake the feeling of wanting to write this novel.

February 10, 2012 Posted by | iWrite | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

It’s a New Year…new me?

The last few months of my life have been all about growth. Even when I didn’t realize it, I was changing and learning to be better to myself. I think that I have always been pretty good at loving others and doing things for them but not so much when it came to myself. I think I would like to make that my focus for 2012. I find myself getting annoyed with people who insist on making resolutions every year and making them such a huge deal all over the internet but I also get annoyed with people who take such a strong stance against resolutions. I guess I don’t really know how I feel about them. One thing that I can tell you for sure is that I wrote some on paper every single year but I never go back and look at them and think about my progress. I have had so many journals and blogs that I have no idea what my resolutions have been in the past. I think that I, like so many others, got caught up in the action of writing them and forgot to take action.

So won’t use the word resolution but these are some things that I would like to do and focus on in 2012:

1) Finish my first novel and become a better writer I am off to a slow start with this but I think that’s because I am putting way too much pressure on myself. I am forgetting that writing is something that I love.

2) Let go of any unnecessary anger and sadness – In any given day, I go through the entire spectrum of human emotions. It’s exhausting and I want to try to be more easy-going. I am always getting angry or sad over things that really don’t matter and all it does it shorten my own life.

3) Get in the gym twice a week- Ok so I don’t need to lose weight and I’m not in bad shape but I think that a lot of my medical issues could be avoided if I just got more exercise. I have only been to the gym once since I got my membership and that’s a shame! I know I would feel better physically and emotionally if I got more active.

4) Make better food choices- Finding out how my body reacts to different foods and developing a good diet for myself should be a priority. There are certain things that I need to stay away from and things that I need more of. I have already started to increase my fruit and veggie intake as well as water. I’ve also put myself back on daily vitamins.

5) Have more fun/Make more friends- I am not super social like I once was but I think that going out the other weekend helped me to see that I don’t have to be all uptight about going out anymore. If I can make a couple of new friends for going out and maybe one new friend for my emotional needs ( someone who will be there for me and allow me to be there for them…) I think I would be ok. I’d like to make at least 5 new friends this year….and I mean FRIENDS…not just someone whose name I learned.

6) Organize and manage my sleeping- Part of the reason I got sick recently is because of my awful sleeping habits. As it is, I really don’t sleep that well and haven’t for a few years now. I wake up a lot during the night. I would like to do some research and try to understand why that is. The sleeping issues are going to get dealt with this year.

7) Go to the doctor/dentist regularly- It’s so easy to overlook this when you are feeling fine and have no health emergencies. I have a doctor’s appintment set up for this week already and I’m looking for a dentist. I have to take better care of myself. It doesn’t make sense for me to have this great medical insurance and not use it to take care of these things. I have had some scares in the past couple of years and I should be monitoring my health a lot better than I have been.

8) Date casually and have more fun with it- I don’t even think I would want to call what I want to do dating. I mean…a better description would be hanging out. I don’t want to narrow it down to one person anymore. There is too much pressure and I don’t do well when I am so focused on being with one person and making them my BF. I will hang out with whoever I choose and do whatever I feel like doing. I won’t make up a bunch of corny rules or over think things. Don’t misunderstand though…I’m not going to stop respecting myself or start doing things that make me uncomfortable just to do them. I’m still not bringing people into my home until I know them and I’m still not going to sleep with just anyone.

9) See more of Korea- I have been here for 6 months and I really haven’t seen that much outside of the shopping areas. I would like to see more and learn more. That also means getting back into learning the language and not being so lazy about it. ( Although, I am reading, writing, and listening pretty well!)

10) Enjoy my own company- These last few days, I have really been doing this and I want to make it an everyday thing. It has made me less desperate to find someone to spend my time with. I start the day with plans for what I want to do to make myself happy or to fulfill a goal and I get so busy that I’m no longer thinking about how I don’t have a man in my life. It’s pretty awesome.

11) Finish my Administrators certification- I already have my Master degree in Educational Administration and I passed the AZ state administrators exam back in March 2011. All I have to do to be licensed in the state of Arizona is get my 45 hour Structured English Immersion class out of the way. Then I can get my documentation together and pay for my license. I plan to take the course online and then apply for the license from here. I think that having the actual certification will help me if I decide to change to administration even if I end up in a different state.

12) Get all As in my Professional Counseling program of study- So far, so good with this. I want to maintain  and graduate with a 4.0. I have a long way to go before I will be finished but I’d like to focus on this year for now and make all As my goal. I’m 3 classes in and I still have my 4.0.

13) 100% effort in teaching- Too many times, I like my depression or my feelings about my current situation get in the way of my teaching. So I’m not teaching older students…these kids can’t help that and there is no reason for them to suffer. I wouldn’t say that I have done a bad job teaching thus far but there definitely been days when I didn’t put forth my best effort. Sometimes I go in there and just feel physically and emotionally drained. I think that I can fix that by focusing on some of the other things that I’ve listed above.

So, I have exactly 13 things….I’m not going to think of 13 as an unlucky number because as of right now, I am creating my own luck!

January 8, 2012 Posted by | Affirmation | , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment